The Berom Marriage Tradition: A Journey of Culture, Commitment, and Community

The Berom people of Plateau State, Nigeria—spanning the districts of Jos and Barkin Ladi—share a deeply rooted tradition when it comes to marriage. Like their language, attire, and beliefs, Berom marriage customs are rich, symbolic, and communal. This sacred rite is not just about two individuals; it is about two families, two histories, and the forging of an enduring bond under the guardianship of ancestral wisdom.

Let’s explore the beautiful stages of a traditional Berom marriage—from dating and engagement to dowry and the final ceremony.

1. Dating: A Communal Affair Guided by Love and Wisdom

In Berom culture, choosing a life partner is not solely left to the couple. While love (simi) is deeply valued, families play an active role in guiding and approving the relationship.

Types of Courtship:

Family Bonds & Elder Agreements: Sometimes, courtship begins with a long-standing relationship between families or a mutual agreement among elders who recognize the suitability of a union—even before the children are aware.

Personal Choice: A grown man may choose a girl he admires. In such cases, he informs his parents, who then approach the girl’s family to inquire about her background. The girl is consulted on her willingness to proceed.

Infant Betrothal: A unique form involves a father marrying on behalf of his newly born son, entrusting a woman to him through the son's nephew. Often, these arrangements cause emotional strain later, as the grown boy may reject the woman due to the age gap.

Cultural Boundaries:

Purity During Courtship: Sexual relations before marriage are strictly forbidden. Violators must undergo a ritual known as "Pa Chit"—a spiritual cleansing involving the sacrifice of a live goat. If not performed, the consequences could manifest in recurring tragedies, such as the untimely death of children.

Exclusive Anointment: A serious suitor performs the "Mono hwon de nei" (anointing rite), a ceremonial act that spiritually reserves the girl for him, discouraging other admirers from pursuing her.

2. Engagement: The Families Speak in Proverbs and Tradition

Engagement is an official meeting between the families to discuss the budding union. This is often carried out in poetic and proverbial expressions.

The Language of Tradition:

The boy’s father may say something like:

> “I have a he-goat that has taken interest in your she-goat. I’d like your she-goat for my home.”

When both families agree, a kola nut known as "Dyek" is broken and shared—sealing the visit with symbolic authenticity.

The Courtship Phase:

From this point forward, the boy's family begins to offer traditional gifts and assistance:

Mandyen: General gift-giving.

Hwono: A goat is slaughtered annually, and the meat is delivered to the in-laws.

Farm Service: The young man works on the girl's family farm for at least three years.

Personal Gifts for the Bride: These include:

Cloth and waist beads (Belel)

Bangles (Nerwei Vo)

Head-ties (Erwan)

Necklaces (Lyele Fwo)

Raffia leaf skirts (Manzon)

3. Dowry: A Symbol of Honor, Not a Price Tag

Traditionally, the Berom dowry consisted of one live horse and six goats. Today, this has been monetized, but the significance remains unchanged.

If a couple elopes without paying the dowry:

Their children belong to the girl’s family until the dowry and additional charges are fully settled.

Agreements may be drafted to protect family rights and outline responsibilities.

Customary Dowry Agreement (Summary):

A formal written agreement may include:

Bride Price:

N32.00 for a virgin bride.

N22.00 for a woman previously married.

Non-refundable Obligations:

Hwono (Goat meat) – for 5 years

Dilo (Drinks) – for 5 years

Dyam Chap (Farm money) – for 5 years

Dyam Weneng (Marriage money) – 1 year

Dyam Be De Behwong (Mother-in-law gifts)

Dyem Duk Tok (Educational support)

Dyem Sogo Hwong (Ceremonial fees)

These terms are endorsed by both families, witnessed by elders, and sealed by the village or district head. It serves as a cultural and legal safeguard and helps ease inter-tribal marriages involving Berom daughters.

4. Final Blessing: A Celebration of Unity and Continuity

Once all processes are fulfilled, the marriage ceremony takes place. This vibrant event is marked by:

Traditional music and dance.

Blessings from elders and the community.

Symbolic acts affirming the couple’s commitment.

Conclusion: A Culture That Honors Love and Legacy

The Berom marriage is more than a ceremony; it is a passage—a spiritual, social, and emotional journey wrapped in rituals, values, and generational wisdom. It reflects the essence of Berom identity: a people who value family, integrity, and the continuity of tradition.

With education and modernization, written agreements now help bridge traditional values with contemporary realities. Yet, the heart of Berom marriage remains the same—rooted in love, respect, and a communal commitment to harmony.

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